End of my Peace Corps Journey..beginning of next..Destination Unknown..and POETRY

Well one year ended up being the length of my Peace Corps Journey. On August 24th I Early Terminated (ET'd) from Peace Corps and feel appreciative of the experience and delighted to be moving on...though it comes with some sadness of having to leave the special people I met over the last 12 months. Just before I left my computer was stolen from my hotel room in Kampala. So I lost most of my photos of this life milestone. However, the images are etched in my mind, and its all good and OK. Compared to the emotional devastation and poverty I witnessed, I know I am rich beyond measure and this is just a little inconvenience.

Below is a letter I sent to my classmates and it sums up my sentiments at this time.

Dear PCV Class of Aug 2011....my friends
Yes I ET'd and its not a sad thing at all. So dont take my experience
to a negative conclusion...it was perfect for me.

My 1 year in Peace Corps was amazing in both it's depths of euphoria
and depression. In my soul I knew I had to come, and In my soul I knew
when I was finished and needed to leave.

I came to the conclusion that the universe was determined to make sure
I did not settle in to my Peace Corps "job". My sites were very
difficult ...resembling bad Ugandan soap operas, my experience with PC
Uganda were at times comical in their mishandling....even when they
tried to handle me well, my body was not cooperating, and my sister
had a family crises in the middle of all this. So an early exit was
the right course of action.

Because I never could get engaged in my work, I was forced to focus
inward and navel gaze a great deal of the time. I was blessed with
uncovering a new passion in writing poetry and given the luxury of
reading and learning more than I likely will ever be able to do again.
These activities occurred in the back drop of a 3rd world country and
left me with life long gifts of understanding and knowledge that were
just what I needed at this time in my life.

While in Uganda I made a few real Ugandan friends, and these are the
people I choose to remember as true Ugandans. The corrupt and lazy
discouraged me, but I know they are not representative of my Uganda.

As an added bonus, I also met some of the most talented, interesting
and selfless Americans. I have new daughters, sons, sisters and
brothers and I will cherish all of your unique and quirky ways long
into the future. Each of you showed me the world through a different
lens and expanded my life.

Try to nourish the noble parts of yourself and not let negativity
reduce your legacies. It is tough at times and we all stumble, but do
not succumb to bitterness and apathy. Each of us has seen beauty
shining through poverty and this has changed us forever.

         Peace,
         Karla

I am now in Switzerland with my sister for two months before returning home to the USA. I can honestly say I love our country with all its blemishes and quirks, and for me, it is still the best place to live. Over the last 12 months I read a great deal of history and fell in love again with the principles our country was founded on. We must remain diligent in teaching these to each generation or we will end up losing our country to the illusion shown on"reality TV".

POETRY

Timeout   August 11, 2012 

Sometimes its best

To put ourselves in timeout

To stop

To think

To take a deep breath

To avoid being rash

Following impulses

We likely would regret 

Timeout for Adults

Is more difficult to achieve

This requires one

To step away

From everything 

Most of us won’t do it

Walk out on career,

Home, family, parenthood

Our protected image

Checkout, withdraw

But I needed

To be in timeout 

For me it was

A bit extreme

I’m told I’m overly enthusiastic

However, I challenge the adjective overly

And accept the accusation

Of enthusiastic

I consider it part

Of my endearing charm

Something uniquely me

Graced from above

…But I digress 

My timeout

My year wandering in the wilderness

Took more effort

More courage

More learning

Than I imagined

What I learned is that

It was absolutely necessary

So I could be changed back

Into my essential self

Fall in love with me

My best true friend

Drop the duties

Required by guilt

That were destroying me

And my loved ones

One drop at a time 

The lessons I learned…

Quit the rat race – the rats win every time

Fall in love with yourself

You are not meant to conform to the mean

Change yourself – leave everyone else alone

Don’t buy what they sell on TV – Its Crap!

Be delighted with who and what you have

See the beauty and splendor of your loved ones

Discount their faults – the mirror reflects a glass house

Don’t write your story – it will write itself

…and it will end beautifully, if you let go

Of engineering the ending

The best part of life is the people – the rest is fluff

Without the blessing of a just and healthy civil society – its 100% harder 

Now I am ready

To return

From Timeout

My 12 months

Of navel gazing is complete

I’m ready to enthusiastically

Re-enter the arena

Changed back to

The better distilled version

Of me! 

She Awoke  August 11, 2012

She said I have to leave

Whether he understood or not

That her heart was imploding

And her mind was racing

In panicked uncontrolled directions

That she could not breathe easily

Or smile without breaking into a sweat

She laughed nervously

And said Really, I have to leave

…Now

And though she did not know why

Or where she was going

She left

Trusting the path would be illuminated

If she took the first step

To others she appeared disturbed

…And she was

With intention she left

Only sure that leaving was her salvation

And thus began her long walk through the desert

Life reduced to the bare essentials

Even less

Late at night

She faced herself without distraction

She listened and thought and prayed

And did it again

And again

Waiting for direction to be revealed

Until one day

She awoke

And the world seemed settled

And the turmoil was over

And she said I need to go home

And she knew exactly where that was

1Month in Fort Portal-Mugusu Market-Poetry

August 5^th 2012

1 Month in Fort Portal - 1Year in Uganda - Well it’s been a journey to say the least

Fort Portal – I arrived here 1 month ago and have done a good bit. Shortly after arriving I met up with a fellow PCV and we went to Mugusu Market with a local missionary woman whose family has lived here for 9 years. She and her husband are raising two young kids here. I cannot imagine living that life…but I admire them. Mugusu market is a large weekly market about 10 kilometers outside of Fort Portal. If you ever wonder where our donated old clothes go to be reincarnated – its in Mugusu. You can also buy all the local vegetables there too, but I did not get any pics of those. What is striking are the gorgeous flowering trees that no one seems to notice but me.  Robert what do you think of these trees!

Mugusu Market - Keeps Goodwill in business

Mugusu Market-more flowing trees

Because I have dropped so much weight I needed to buy some new pants (actually trousers – pants here mean underwear – so you learn quickly to say trousers). Since I could not try them on, – I bought 3 pairs for $6 total and 2 out of 3 fit me. I gave the extra pair to the lady who drove us to take to her congregation!

I also visited the PCV’s site about 6 kilometers out of Fort Portal – I rode my bike there and we toured her village with her counterpart who is doing the most with the least funding of anyone I have met in Uganda. I have promised to write an article/case study on how to effectively leverage aid here in Uganda. Nothing is wasted, the community contributes, and his heart is in the mission of the program…. and not focused on getting money for himself…which unfortunately has been the norm in my experience. He took us on a hike for a couple hours and it was beautiful. I did not take my camera into the village to photograph the orphans, new pit latrines, gravity flow water taps, and the animal income generating activities though they were very impressive. Some pics from the hike are below.

1

Fellow PCV and her counterpart-Rwenzori Mtns in Back

Enthusiastic Karla!

Villages below

Robert - what are these lovelies?

And these are amazing!

Little green froggie friend!

 My youngest son, who has been in Nairobi Kenya for the summer, will be here in a week and he is coming to Fort Portal to stay with me for a few nights  before heading stateside. I cannot describe how excited I am to see him.

My work has mostly been getting the place organized and trying to get them able to generate their own income as well as apply for more funding. Record keeping has been poor so we have focused on getting all income, donations and expenses documented from 2011 forward. They had records in 3-4 different places so there was no information to show the big picture, until I got my hands into it. Those who know me well, know how much I love excel and organizing information! I have also entered all the applications they have received from people wanting to receive bikes wheel chairs or tricycles. Also we are trying to pull together the complete list of all beneficiaries to date. Its slow work, like hunting for clues, but slowly it is coming together.

My living arrangements are settling in – not hauling my water and having an indoor bathing room and toilet sure make a difference. My weight is climbing and I am definitely not working as hard to just exist as I was at my former site. We have a hot water heater too and though its temperamental, it is still my best friend. The pipes below it hves sprung a leak twice but these are minor issues.

The young man that lives in the back and is charged with ground maintenance, general cleaning and security has become my friend. He is 23 years old and is always smiling and willing to help me. He keeps my bike in shape and runs errands for me. He gets better pricing at the market since he is not white, so he is doing a great deal of our shopping and in return he makes some small cash and I feed him most nights from my cooking.  It’s a nice arrangement.

I talk several times a week to my buddies at the school back in Gulu district. I miss them more than I imagined and appreciate their enthusiastic calls and texts. I nominated one of my students there to attend Peace Camp – which is beginning next week. For a description go to my friend Nancy’s blog (http://atexangoesquesting.blogspot.com/2012/07/peace-camp.html?spref=fb) – my student is the 22 year old – his response on the application to “how the war affected you?” is below:

Boy, age 22: “The war affected me in the following ways: I lost my father, who was killed. Secondly, all our properties were vandalized.  All our animals were taken. I myself was burned in a grass thatch house and set fire, but I survived. I have only one sister and one brother. The rest of my brothers were killed.  I have an injury from bayonet. My mother was paralyzed. This made me head of household.”

This young man works so hard to raise his school fees and support his family – he often worked in my garden and elsewhere on the school grounds. Here he is in my garden.

WORLD'S LARGEST EGGPLANT!!!!! That is a full sized dinner plate next to the beast!

Peppers+ Eggplant = Payment for a ride from a villager!

POETRY

Working         August 5^th, 2012

I try very hard

To be good to myself

And my fellow time travelers

More importantly, I want to be honest

First to myself, then to the collective you

I have learned this is not easy

To know what is Reality and Truth

We change our stories to fit our definitions,

Our identities

We choose to see a reality

That enshrines us in candlelight

Yet to accomplish the above stated goals

I need a powerful spotlight

So no false assumptions can hide in the shadows

I feel courageous

Most of the time

But I still struggle

Which I think means

I am not facing

My real limitations

So I continue doing the work

To uncover them

I get still, listening to my inner poet

While she shows me the ground

Where the work must take place

I am digging and weeding

And sowing the seeds

Smiling

As the fruits of this work

Begin to sprout

Our Country              August 2^nd, 2012

I love Our Country

Ours because

America is its people

Our intermixed

Melting pot of the shiniest

Precious Mettle

From all over the world

We have blended

The greatest raw materials

And crafted them

Into the most inspired art

The more I study

Our nation’s history

The more awestruck I become

At the insightfulness and Resolve

Of our leaders

The strength and resourcefulness

Of our citizens

The amazing depth of our Compassion

For those less fortunate

My prayer is that

We will not lose sight

Of what makes us great

We will remain vigilant

To protect and be grateful for

The values and culture

That is America

Log Jam         July 28^th, 2012

Pressure builds

Increasing stress

As logs pile up

Appearing too heavy

With too much bulk

To ever move

But the undercurrent of life flows on

Silently refusing to yield

To this apparent inertia

Patiently biding time

Perpetually pushing

At every available purchase

Until with tremendous

Groans and creaks

The logs break loose

And the water is no longer

Trapped, nor restricted

Simple swirls remaining

The evidence of struggle

Vanishing quickly downstream

Thank you all for your love – it is felt, and cherished, and needed-Love Karla

New site, Going Away Party, Prefect Handover, 11 Months in Uganda, Whole Lotta Poetry!

Grab a coffee or tea, a cookie …and get ready to read a long blog update!

NEW SITE

Location of my Office and My Apartment

On Friday July 6^th I moved from Gulu District in Northern Uganda to Fort Portal in Southwestern Uganda. In a way I think this enhances my Peace Corps experience, as I will have 2 very distinct experiences. I will have worked with war traumatized youth at a school in the North, and then moved southward to work in the disabled and vulnerable youth transportation fields. On the route south, the landscape changes dramatically from flat, dry and hot to mountainous, wet and cool. I moved from a war torn area to an area that has tourism and tea estates! There is also a small golf course in Fort Portal and a botanical garden. So it is very different. You can actually feel the change in the people, as they were not affected by a 20 year war.

Even with all these supposed “upgrades”, I will miss the Gulu area. I have some great PCV and local friends there.  I will miss my garden, some of the students, and most of the staff. Some photos of my old site friends.....

My counterpart and close friend the accountant

The Tailoring Instructor

My Supervisor and House mate in my Garden

Me, The Building Instructor and Australian Volunteer

The Carpentry Instructor and me

The Secretary and me- her baby girl was born the day I left!

The Deputy Director and me

However, due to several factors, a change was required. My new organization will be a nonprofit that manufactures and distributes bikes to orphans and HIV patients to improve the individual’s access and mobility in his/her community. They also provide training and education to these groups to help develop income generating skills.

Since I am moving to a town, my access to food and restaurants will increase; and this is very good as I try to keep my weight up over here. I will also be around more Americans and Europeans as there is a larger expat community in Fort Portal.

I expect my community, both Ugandan and Ex-Pat, will be larger, as more people will live and work near me. Presently I am in a compound with a 4 bedroom house and a small apartment block on the back with 3 men. Inside the house live me, an American male volunteer for the next 2 months, and a young Ugandan man. Another young Ugandan man lives in one of the apartment rooms in the back. The organization is going to partition part of the house soon, so I will have my own little apartment with a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. I have an indoor flush toilet and bathroom with a tub – no shower or hot water, but comparatively it’s D-LUX! We all share the common sitting room.

The compound is also the location of their bike workshop so frequently there are many young men around fabricating the custom bikes and bike drawn ambulances/trailers. The compound is a couple miles up a hill out of town…a nice 30 minute walk down hill in the morning, and uphill on the way home. I love the walk and the chance to observe all the birds and flowers and trees.  This part of Uganda is like a tropical paradise.

I was moved by Peace Corps in one of their Range Rovers and the Ugandan driver and I had some nice conversations. He is a devout Muslim and we stopped for him to pray at a mosque for his evening prayers. About 10% of the population here is Muslim, and I have enjoyed the opportunity to meet and interface with more Muslims. The ones I have met are nothing like the “terrorists” so many Americans like to imagine.  The drive took about 8.5 hours because we traveled on unpaved roads and therefore did not have to travel through Kampala. I felt like I was on a personal Safari passing villages and beautiful landscapes.  

Wrapping my Present!

Going Away Party
The school hosted a going away party for me – I was sad and a little anxious with the impending departure, but was also excited for the change. The staff all contributed to pay for the going away lunch and for a departing gift – I was mortified they had to raise funds, as some staff only make $1-$2 a day…so I also added some cash to help pay for the meat and rice. The lunch lasted 3 hours and after eating there were speeches by all attendees. My favorite was a young teacher who said “If I were God, I would make Madam Karla stay here forever and become a Ugandan Citizen as she is the first white person I have known.” OK Yeah I admit I cried like a baby a few times. My parting gift was a business suit made in China that is actually very nice. I found it ironic that was what they selected. I suppose I was under dressed for some of the Board Meetings and they wanted to help me out!

Receiving the gift!

The Feast

Co-workers and friends!

My flowers as decorations!

Listening to Testimony Speeches of my impact!

I really made some deep connections there and it was hard to leave in many ways. The day the truck arrived all the students gathered around and loaded my things and asked me to come back soon. It is a 10 hour trip, so it will not be easy to return.

Prefect Handover Day
On June 22^nd the school celebrated Prefect Handover Day. A prefect is a British term for something like Student Council.  The handover day is when the outgoing Prefects turn the job over to the incoming Prefects.  At 8:30 am that morning I found out I would be the Chief Guest (AKA Guest of Honor) and would be expected to make a speech in 1.5 hours. So I changed into my best African outfit and started pulling together a brief speech. I think it came out well – Because I am in Uganda, I used culturally appropriate quotes from The Bible and Nelson Mandela, a true hero to all…however because of my love of American Football I also included a quote from Vince Lombardi. All in all I think it went over OK.

Decorations-flowers from my garden in paper vase

Handing over the Prefect Folders

More - Handing over the Prefect Folders

Listening to a speaker off to the right

11 Months in Uganda
Yes, it’s hard to believe, but on July 4^th, I marked 11 months in Uganda. …this is surprising to me as I reflect on the things that have taken place in my absence….several high school graduations of relatives and friends’ children, a few 50^th Birthday parties, the death of several friends’ dogs, a year’s worth of holidays and celebrations.  However – I have grown in ways that are not possible when you remain inside your safety net. It has not been easy – often harder than I can express – but it has recalibrated and sharpened my definition of myself.  

Poetry-it has been a month since I posted – so there is a lot of new poetry!

The Poet                              July 9^th 2012

I have fallen in love

With my poet self

She seems to materialize

From somewhere else

Like I am channeling

A beautiful soul

Submerged for too long

Who inspires and delights me

Occasionally fear-provoking

With her clear eyed pronouncements

Yet always joyful and confident

In the knowledge that

Her words ring true

And the weight is lifted

When I listen to her

Speak

Becoming a Diamond                     July 9^th, 2012

I like to imagine

I am becoming a diamond

Starting as a dark, buried

Shapeless chunk

Of worthless earth

Suffering from unbearable stresses

Pressure sure to suffocate

A weaker element

But not me

I take it

Bearing through it

Like labor

Awaiting rebirth

When I will emerge

The clearest and shiniest

Most perfectly formed

Brilliant and solid

Gemstone of a Human

Being

A Tragic Figure                  July 9^th, 2012

A tragic figure

Whispers the stranger

She tries, so brave

Though a bit unhinged

Obviously

To step out of comfort

Apparently on a whim

Abandoning those she loves

Or so it appears

From the outside

Looking in

She is searching for something

Said the other

But it continues to elude

Always hopeful for the future

Squaring her shoulders

Leaning into another storm

Like some sort of Gladiator

Facing the lions

Hard to believe

Her Luck is that Bad

She must deserve it – somehow

Perhaps she brings it on herself

Refusing to be happy with what she had

Who knows what drives her

Some internal restless demon

Most likely

Nonetheless….I can’t help but admire her

Said the last one with a wistful

Somewhat envious tone

As they continued down the cosmetics aisle

Exquisite Evenings          July 7^th 2012

Uganda has no winter

Nightfall is either a cool crisp experience;

Or a gentle, warm embrace

Occasionally punctuated with a thunderstorm

But in general

A lovely caressing night

With breezes that inspire

And a soft darkness that encircles the Soul

Makes a person celebrate

The instant of living

Right there and now

With the awe of beauty

And the importance of our life

Reminding us of the mystery

And supremacy

Of the existence we are given

Forcing us to marvel

At the magnitude of the moment

As we are captivated by the moon

Mesmerized by its promise

As it dances with the clouds

Racing out to lead us

Always just ahead;

Taunting us to follow

Its promise of knowledge

Never yielding its secrets

To us mere mortals

Dancing on this earth

Amazed at its beauty

Like moths to the flame

Hoping we will make

A grander impact

But never quite sure

If our moon dance

Can exist beyond the moment

Of our heartfelt ballet

With the muse of the night

Manhood                            June 17^th, 2012

I presume

Being a man is complicated

Often contradictory on the surface

Stoically expected to carry the burden

Never flinching,

Being smart, monetarily successful

Taking command

Protecting, Providing

Yet to be fulfilled

To become a complete man

Takes much more

To be whole

Requires being vulnerable

Reflective

Open to being wrong

Learning from others

Questioning assumptions

As you and the world around you

Continuously evolves

Taking greater courage

Than most men can bear

This openness entails

Venturing out alone

In uncharted landscape

With no guide except

The North Star

Of a deep knowledge

Buried in his soul

Ignoring societal feedback

Trusting only

Internal guidance systems

Most men pretend

This alternate path

Does not exist

Is nonsense

Scoffing at any indication

Their well-built world

Is made of cards

Belittling anyone who challenges

Their version of reality

Their best defense, a derisive offense

Collecting “Yes” people

To reinforce and participate

In their Kingdom of Machismo

True greatness as a man

Is revealed with a disciplined love

For self & others

Strength is measured

By Gentleness, diplomacy & creativity;

With humor

The icing on the cake

These men

Are beacons in the darkness

Attracting followers

Who intuitively recognize real authority

Craving to awaken it within themselves

True men use their muscle

To build and encourage other men

To join in the journey

Towards a higher calling

Of Manhood

Restless               May 15^th, 2012

Driven to change

To mix and rearrange

Unable to be content

For too long

Fighting the familiar

Imagining improvements

Just over the fence

Around the corner

Determined to find meaning

Some larger purpose

The reason we’re here

The objective of struggle

Dreaming of contentment

Unsure what it looks like

Recognizing others

Appear to have found it

Is it in the DNA?

The need for movement

The drive to reshuffle

To relocate

To start anew

What drives those of us?

To leave home

Cross the oceans

Climb the mountains

Looking for what?

This force within is powerful

Pushing us

Until the tipping point is reached

And we submit

To bravely let go of what is

And move apprehensively towards

What is to be

Never knowing where we will end up

Until we are there

In Honor of the Fourth of July

American Heaven                           June 24^th 2012

Peering through the window

At my former life

Where once I glided along

With buffeting winds

Like most of us

…Unaware

Of our level of luxury

And privilege

Now longing for the ease

Of my American life

With Knobs, switches, levers,

Buttons and touchpads

Miraculously delivering

Information, water, light, music

Clean clothes and dishes

…Power on so many levels

Not forgetting

The power of also

Miraculously taking away

Waste, dirty water, garbage

What do you miss most?

People ask

FREEDOM

Of movement

The joy of driving

With windows down

Going wherever I want

When I want

Because I can

FOOD

In unimaginable variety

Italian, Tai, Mexican, Chinese,

French, Spanish, German, Irish

Eastern European, Asian, Indian

Central & South American

Barbeque & soul

Every ingredient accessible

At your fingertips

The fabric of what it means to be American

Translated into the culinary palette

ENTERTAINMENT

Expected, considered a birthright

Sports, live performances, TV, travel

Internet, movies, exercise, hiking

Here

Entertainment is

A gathering under a tree

Singing and dancing

In the dirt

If there is a battery

For the radio

Or a single photograph

A family’s prized possession

Proof of the effort of their lives

AMERICAN CULTURE

Distinct and so comforting

To those of us privileged

To be raised in our borders

Unless you have been here

You cannot fathom the impact

Of good governance

Strong Judicial systems

Societal Support

Of the importance

Of not tolerating

Corruption

Eyes tearing up suddenly

With appreciation

For our founding citizens

Knowing part of my purpose

On this journey

Is to remind myself

And others

To be grateful

Every day, every moment

For our American Heaven